Circle of Friends — Live Bodhi

“Circle of friends, Brett…. Circle of friends.”

That was Eddie’s line. He’d say it with a smile on his face, slowly shaking his head, with a little tsk-tsk, like he was working to contain his disbelief. Brett would laugh. Sometimes he’d even admit Eddie was spot on.

I’ll tell you how we got there. But there’s one thing I won’t tell you, and I’ll say it up front: Brett’s stories. They’re his to share, not mine.

Eddie, Brett and I had been assigned to a few infrastructure projects together. We upgraded electrical systems, fiber optic and Cat5 cabling, telecommunications and networking equipment and such. We all had different responsibilities, but we looked to Eddie as the team leader. The jobs took weeks or even months to complete, so when the three of us landed on the same project, we spent a lot of time together.

Brett would regale us with stories, while we worked and while we drank beers at the end of the day. He’d recount some of the most unlikely experiences he’d had in his life. They were generally hilarious, and they usually left us asking whether they had really happened.

They did.

It would be hard to believe that just one of these escapades had happened to him, much less a whole catalog of bizarre adventures, mishaps, events, encounters, experiences, or whatever you want to call these things. And Brett was straightforward about it. He wasn’t ashamed. He wasn’t embarrassed. Whenever something clicked in him and reminded him of one, he’d just matter-of-factly tell it, and he could tell a story in such a funny way. The stories were so unconventional and often so bizarre that it was impossible not to believe them. You had to, because most people would never admit that anything like that had happened to them.

He kept things entertaining, to say the least. It was always fun when we worked together, and getting a vicarious thrill from his stories made it even more so.

It wasn’t just the stories, either. One of our shared times was at a pathetic excuse for a tourist attraction at the Great Wall of China. Brett chose to have his picture taken on top of a flea-bitten camel. He was wearing shorts, and he left himself wide open to whatever critter was living on that animal. We had no idea camels were even a thing in China. What the fuck did a camel have to do with China? But it was funny.

At the end of one of Brett’s tales we were generally left speechless. That’s when Eddie would say it.

In a joking way, he was implying that Brett’s chosen circle was the reason Brett had compiled such an impressive list of stories, more than could possibly happen to a single person. Whatever the experience Brett was recounting, it very likely could be traced back to his “circle of friends” at the time.

Of course we laughed. It was the truth.

And it caught on. It was just the three of us, but it became our go-to response to any off-the-wall story any of us told. It even became an inside joke when somebody outside our circle told a story that came even close to one of Brett’s, the kind of thing that would have been an ordinary week for Brett.

One time we temporarily expanded our circle to include some other guys who came to town to do some work. Brett being Brett did not go over well with one of the more sensitive ones, and the encounter took on a life of its own. It probably pales in comparison to most of his experiences. But I was there for that one. Maybe, over the years, Brett has given others in his circle fits of laughter recounting it the way he sees it.

Nobody ever explained the line. It was unspoken. It was funny. It was said in our little circle. And it was never judgmental. Eddie wasn’t being mean. He was being kind.

Maybe, while the stories were hilarious and kept our work days light, Eddie had a quiet point. A gentle push for all of us to look at our own circle of friends, and what impact they were having on the direction of our lives.

Eddie and Brett had a good impact on mine.

There’s an old saying about how you can tell a lot about a person by the company he keeps. I think it’s true. Much of our lives are shaped by our circle of friends. We need to be discerning and careful about the people we choose to bring into that circle. We should choose people who help us be better. Who challenge us. Who support us.

For me it’s more like a circle of trust, and I don’t just let anyone in. I can’t say what the criteria are. I just know when it’s right.

As I’ve aged, my circle has gotten smaller. I can count on two hands the people I’d consider truly close friends: a few from high school, a few from college, and a few from each of the many phases of my varied work career. I also include my brother and sister, and my cousins on my father’s side of the family. Some of them I don’t see often, or even talk to often, and they’re still close.

Eddie and Brett are friends like that. We crossed paths a few times, for only a limited period of time. But in that time I feel like we built a close friendship, and I have very fond memories of it. We’ve lost touch over the years, but I keep tabs on them through Facebook. That little three-man circle has become a favorite memory of my career.

I’ve written before about where Live Bodhi started for me: evenings after the work was done, a few beers, stories and laughs with coworkers, and waking up to the fact that I was happy. Grateful to be with those exact people at that exact time, people I’d finish the job with and might never cross paths with again.

When I read that now, I think of Eddie and Brett. I’m sure they were there for some of those evenings. Those were memorable days. In retrospect, times with them feel like Bodhi moments too.

We go through life, each with a unique journey. People come in and out of our lives, some for a brief period and some for the long term, and each one shapes our lives in some way. Is it random luck? I don’t know. Is it what we attract at that particular point in our lives? I don’t know. One thing’s for sure: it’s kinda cool how it works.

Take Eddie and Brett out of those years and I wouldn’t be quite the same person.

So what did I take from it?

From Eddie: his words were said in jest, but he spoke a truth, and he wasn’t judgmental about it. He wasn’t superior. He was a friend. He accepted people as they were. I learned a lot from Eddie in that respect, and I still try to emulate it.

Brett taught me some things too. Not to be so self-conscious and guarded. Don’t take life too seriously.

I don’t have a story like Brett’s. I was probably way too cautious and self-conscious to wind up in circumstances that would turn into one. Brett never had that problem. He’s going to leave this life with memories, not dreams. A lot of them.

Bodhi means “to awaken,” and I think I’m more awake now. I’m more intentional. I contemplate things like my circle quite often. I’m still cautious about who I let in, but I’m more open to having experiences of all kinds, and I want to meet more people.

Who crosses your path might be luck. Who you let into the circle is up to you.

And maybe one of these days somebody new will tell me a story that leaves me speechless, and I’ll know exactly what to say.

Circle of friends.

If this was useful, the next one will be too.