Why I Keep Going Back

There’s a balcony on our condo in Koh Samui that looks out over a Buddhist temple. There’s a large golden Buddha, and right beyond it is the ocean. At sunset, when we sit out there with a glass of wine, it looks magnificent.

I’ve written before about how Thailand started for me. This is about why I keep going back.

If you asked me to name the last time I felt fully awake there, I couldn’t give you one moment. I seem to always feel fully awake there. Even when I’m doing nothing. I just fall into a much more relaxed state when I’m there, and it’s so easy. Every day can be an adventure, no matter what you do.

Part of it is that Thailand, in a lot of ways, is more free than the U.S. Back home everything is over-regulated, over-protected, over-sterilized, over practically everything. Thailand doesn’t put a warning label on everything. Thailand leaves you to your own. In a way you feel more responsible for yourself, in all ways, because you ultimately are. That’s something that seems to be getting lost in the U.S., and in the West in general.

Walk down Sukhumvit in Bangkok and the first thing you get is the smell, a mixture of everything coming off the street vendors and their food carts. Fried chicken. Satay sticks with beef or pork or chicken. Noodle soups. Fresh-cut fruit, watermelon and mango. Then the sound: taxis, tuk-tuks, buses, trucks and cars all going about their business, and people bustling by on their way to wherever they’re going.

It just sounds alive.

A favorite spot was a little streetside restaurant on Soi 11 1/2 that served the most delicious Thai noodle soup. It was tucked away, and most people wouldn’t even notice it as they passed by on the crowded, humming Sukhumvit Road. But that little restaurant without a recognizable name was always busy and always worth the wait. We’d sit in that little alley on cheap plastic chairs at a tiny folding table, with the ubiquitous caddy of fish sauce, dried chilis, and sweet and sour sauce. Delicious! Who needs a Michelin star?

I love Bangkok. There’s always a new restaurant, club or activity opening somewhere. Rooftop bars. Luxury movie theaters. Shopping malls that are an experience in and of themselves, aside from being a place to shop. There is literally every kind of food for every kind of taste.

A city at dusk seen from a high rooftop, towers and lit streets below an orange band of sunset. — I love Bangkok.

And then there are the people.

Thai people are so accepting of everybody. And they love to celebrate. They celebrate literally every holiday or occasion you can think of, and they decorate the streets and storefronts for it: Christmas, New Year’s, Chinese New Year, Easter, World Cup football, Halloween, and a bunch of their own holidays and events on top of that. I wish we did more of that back home.

Then there’s Songkran, the Thai New Year, in April. It’s a few days of absolute mayhem that celebrates the coming of the rainy season. Everybody gets kitted out with brightly colored shirts, goggles, a waterproof pouch and, most importantly, the biggest water gun you can find. It’s three days of the most bizarre water fight ever. If you don’t want to get wet, don’t go out.

One Songkran, On and I joined our close friends at Det5, a restaurant on Sukhumvit Soi 8 that sits in a walled garden. We took up a table that grew as the day went on and people from all over joined us for food, friendship and water fights. Just outside the garden gate sat a 50-gallon drum filled with ice and water, and we took turns defending our little garden bar from the passersby. We were there all day. We laughed and swapped stories in between water skirmishes. It was a great day.

Friends in floral shirts around a long wooden table under red umbrellas in a leafy garden, one man's face covered in white powder, beer bottles and ice buckets on the table. — We laughed and swapped stories in between water skirmishes.

You are guaranteed to laugh at yourself. When you just let go and let the festival happen, you can’t help but forget the problems of the world and just have fun and make friends, for a few days at least.

Unfortunately, Thailand has become a bit of a punchline in the way it’s shown in movies and talked about on TV and the internet. There’s a mistaken impression that the whole country is one big adult playground where anything goes: nightclubs, massage parlors, red-light districts. I believe that reputation was earned during the Vietnam Conflict, when Bangkok became a favorite of GIs on R&R. In the years that followed it stuck, and Thailand became a destination for sex tourists and people looking to party with little or no restraint.

Thailand is so much more than that.

The people are kind and accommodating, and happy to share their culture with anyone who’s interested. All they ask in return is that you respect their way of life. It’s an easy trade. There’s something for literally every budget, and whatever the tier, the restaurants, hotels and venues give you top-notch service that is largely unheard of in the United States today. They do it because they truly want you to have the best experience possible. Even a small guest house will give you what an American would consider five-star service. They’re so welcoming, and they’ll go to great lengths to make your stay memorable.

It can spoil you quickly. And it’s something that, unfortunately, has all but disappeared here at home.

In 2022, right after I retired, On and I went to Thailand for the first time since Covid. We had gotten married in 2020 in our living room, socially distanced, with four witnesses and a local officiant. On’s parents wanted to throw a party for our marriage and invite the neighbors and family, so we went to her hometown in Buriram: a small village full of her aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces and nephews, and neighbors she has known since her earliest childhood days.

It turned out it wasn’t just a party. They had organized a full-on Thai wedding, complete with monks, a traditional wedding procession, personal well-wishes from every guest, drinking, singing, dancing and lots of fun.

We spent three days there. I don’t speak Thai very well, so I didn’t say much for those three days, but I could understand the vibe, and it was good. The family who could speak English were happy to translate as well as they could. The ones who could only speak Thai included me anyway and went on and on as though I could understand every word.

Then there was the procession. Traditionally, the groom and his family parade down the streets with palm leaves, umbrellas and music, escorting him to his betrothed’s home to get permission from the bride’s family to enter and be with his bride. I had no family there, so On’s family and friends stood in and delivered me to my wife.

I understood nothing, but I went along with it, and realized I understood it all.

A man in a light grey suit smiles as he walks in a village procession beside a woman in a cream ruffled top, with a boy carrying a stalk of sugar cane in front, a red umbrella and banana stalks overhead, and women in pink and mauve, most in face masks. — On’s family and friends stood in and delivered me to my wife.

Buriram is the country. Farms and rural life. On’s family raises rubber trees, and there are rice paddies and sugar cane fields. It’s peaceful and green and expansive, and when you’re there you feel like you’ve taken a trip back in time to a simpler world.

I’ve been to most corners of Thailand by now, but there’s so much to do and see in each one that it’s almost impossible to do it all.

I love the north, with its cooler temperatures. You can visit local artisans and find completely unique handmade crafts, clothing, wood products and furniture, things you would never find in a store in the U.S. One of my favorite experiences was Elephant Nature Park, a sanctuary dedicated to caring for former working elephants and letting them live out their lives in peace, doing what elephants do. Eating, bathing, hanging around in social groups, taking care of the little ones. It’s magical.

A gold reclining Buddha resting its head on mosaic-glass pillows, inside a temple hall with painted walls. — An intricate statue of Buddha.

And the temples. You can’t appreciate them until you’re there. Wat Pho in Bangkok, with a reclining Buddha 46 meters long. The White Temple. Wat Sri Suphan, the Silver Temple. Wat Sirindhorn Wararam Phu Prao, the Glowing Temple. The Tiger Cave Temple, with its 1,260 steps to the top. The list goes on, each one more impressive than the last.

Then there are the beaches. There are just so many of them, along the coast and on the hundreds of islands that dot the Andaman Sea to the west and the Gulf of Thailand to the east, on either side of the long peninsula that stretches south toward Malaysia. Everyone’s heard of Phuket or Pattaya, but there is so much more to see and experience. The water is beautiful. The limestone outcroppings are amazing, like something out of the movie Avatar. There are fancy resorts, and there are spots that go practically unnoticed, and each one has its own special thing that draws you to it. Each one promises a different experience.

I don’t think I’d ever get tired of exploring them, and I don’t think I’d ever get to them all if I tried. It’s a secret wish of my soul to be able to afford to really go deep into the nooks and crannies of Thailand’s beaches and islands, and to document my experiences, and the people and places I come across as I go.

If a friend my age told me they were too old to go that far, I’d say: Nonsense!

True, it is a long way from home, and it takes a while to get there. It’s literally on the opposite side of the planet from the U.S., so plan as long a stay as you can. A week won’t do it. If you’re gonna travel that far, for God’s sake make it worth it. Stay long enough to see more than one place. Stay long enough that you don’t have to jam so much into each day that you go home more exhausted than when you left.

First, I’d have them acclimate to Thailand with a day in the city. Take the BTS Skytrain all over and get a feel for the layout of Bangkok and the sheer expansiveness of it all. From the window of the train you can see so many layers of life in the city, from the skyscrapers and businesses to the tin and wood homes that house the people who make that city hum. Beautiful parks, traffic, buildings in varying states of construction or deterioration. Bangkok is truly a city that never sleeps and is always transforming.

Don’t try to do it all. Just do enough this trip.

One thing I’ve found among visitors to Thailand is that almost everyone says that within only a few days, they’re already planning to come back.

That’s it. Do enough on this trip, and start planning what you’re gonna do next time.

One more thing. If you’ve been to Thailand, tell me about it. If you’re thinking about going, reach out, and I’ll help tip the scales. Either way, you can write me at [email protected].

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